time

So like another year has come and gone. And in many ways this was a really good year for me. It started out with the cleaning out of Barb's hoarder cat lady house. Truly one of the worst places I've ever been in. Then I went to life coaching which turned out to be really worth the money. Then I got this Mac computer which has changed my life. It is so easy to use.

Then I went to see Paul Rodgers which was a life time dream. We went with Steven and Ash so it was really special and fun and memorable. Then I went to Seattle to visit Elyce. That was a wonderful trip. Then I applied for law school.

Finally I attended the Micro Play workshop in SF. That was really great and inspirational. Christmas has been lovely and tomorrow Steven and Ash come up for a visit to start the New Year on a high note. The only down side has been spending 1000 dollars on my dog and still not knowing what's wrong with  her!

My goals for next year are to complete a year of law school and to only buy four rings, one for Valentine's, one for my anniversary, one for my birthday, and the last for Christmas. This will prove to be a huge restraint over my usual 30+ rings per year! Yes it's true; I have a huge collection of rings! 

white Christmas

After several years of virtually no snow at all, we in the Sierra are overjoyed to have a white Christmas this year. Yet what is it about a white Christmas that makes it so desirable? Well I think because it is pretty and cozy.

And the snow has a way of covering up everything and silencing the world. And just one day a year it seems right that the world should be shut out and silenced. And we as Americans should concentrate on peace on earth, good will to men.

I really hope to have a holy day. I want to stay at home and appreciate my husband and my many blessings.

As for presents, I got a beautiful pink night gown from my friend Vicky. It's covered with flowers and is a little long. Richard told me I look like a Gustav Klimt painting so that was twice a gift. Richard already gave me the best present of going to the play writing seminar which was super fun.

Another great gift will be a visit from Ashley and Steven. They will come up after Christmas for New Years. I hope by then it will stop snowing so that they can make a safe drive. Amazing how demanding we creatures are of our universe!

internet

I had a frustrating day with my internet service provider down for hours. I ended up calling for technical help three separate times. Finally I just went into their system and put myself on a new channel which is working really well now.

I'm not a computer wiz by a long shot but if you walk me through something I'm pretty good at remembering passwords and sequences of steps. So I just helped myself so to speak.

The question is is this ethical? I'm not sure I'm supposed to be on this channel. I mean maybe it's fine or maybe it's for people paying a higher fee each month. Who could say? It's just that I'm so fed up with the bad service that I'm willing to take things into my own hands.

At this point I think I'll just enjoy the service for a while. Maybe later I'll call tech support and confess my crime. Surely I can't be the only one who's thought of this? Not that that makes it any less criminal. But not having the internet drives you to take desperate measures. We are all hooked.

pageant

So I attended my mom's  Christmas pageant this morning. I go every year. It's the only time I spend in church anymore. There is something compelling about watching the little children dress up like shepherds and little kings. I myself remember playing Mary in several pageants many years ago,

I like singing the old Christmas songs too. My nephew was the narrator in today's pageant. He was quite a pro. He's been doing this for many years. My sister Marty played the violin. She was a pro as well. She's been doing this for many years as well.

Usually we have a couple of angels and a wise man or two as well, but this year none of the far away kids could make it. My mom had the Children's Choir singing really well this year. It was great to hear that. We all made attendance a sign of support for Grandma meaning that Kai, Ceci and Caroline were there as well.

So anyway this is a pretty cool event. People spend lots of time and energy on it. It's a greaat experience for the kids. There's something special about being an angel or Mary at Christmas time that makes Christmas feel even more Christmassy. Sort of magic really. When you're young. And attending a pageant brings that all back in a small way.

simplify

So it's Christmas. And I'm trying to deal with it on practically no budget. I've figured out what to give the extended family but that still leaves my closest nearest and dearest. Some thoughts on this have come my way lately. The new Pope says to make the "more humble purchase" and recently I read a daily devotional that spoke of freeing ourselves from "artificial needs" in order to live more simply.

In another article I read a statement that "buying begets buying." Which seems to me to be true. One thing calls for another. But I can't use my need to simplify as a reason not to give gifts to my family. And the joy of Christmas comes from the giving.

What I usually do is find something beautiful or unique for Steven and Ashley and Richard and then let them order something they want online. I'm anxious because I haven't found anything for them yet. I know they look forward to that hand chosen gift under the tree each year.

But I do have one last chance to find what I need. I go to the doctor in Reno on Dec 23. While I'm there I will go to the antique store and try to find three perfect things. A tie tack, some cuff links, a box, a ring, something small and special. I will meditate that these objects will be seen clearly by me so I don't spend all day looking for them. After all I have to go to Costco for Christmas food!

Back to school

So my son, Steven, is going to need some of these candy pencils since he's going back to school this spring. This was a tough decision for him to make since he'd been working for the last year and had just been offered a big promotion. But for whatever reason sanity prevailed and he realized that he really needed to get that degree in International Finance with minors in Asian Studies and Law.

One thing I learned from life coaching is that you can change your mind. Yes you'll disappoint a few people for a little while but they'll get over it and it is after all your life.

I was afraid that Steven's whole career would end up in San Fransisco politics if he had accepted the new job. And I know his true love is International Studies. And the college he's going to has a top notch program in that area. Ergo he needs to finish the degree.

I have always taken whatever job I've been offered. I always think that if I'm offered a job the Universe must want me to take it. Then I end up quitting a lot of jobs because they weren't right for me. So with the My Magnificent Life program, I allowed myself to change my mind. To quit a job and to wait and see what it was that I was supposed to do. Waiting for direction, even from my inner self is very nerve wracking.

I, like Steven, have decided to go back to school. Can this possibly be the right answer? Going to school means a commitment of years. Can I justify that at  my age? Well I'm going to try and then see if I can do it. It's OK to change your mind.

Christmas

I've always loved Christmas but this year I just don't feel that into it. So I told my husband we have to do something fun everyday until New Years just to celebrate the season. We started today by having large chocolate chip cookies from Mrs. Carey's creations for breakfast.

I had wanted a pastry but she was all sold out by the time we got there so cookies it was. I've been kind of on the broker side so that hasn't helped my gift giving any. I'm thinking of going through all my treasures and shopping from them this year.

But to tell the truth I hate giving away my things. I almost always regret it. Which is a sad commentary about myself. Really I should be able to do this. I have way too much stuff. But who will love my old junk the way I do?

I think I'll go to the drug store and by cosmetics for all the girls. Everyone likes a new lipstick around the holidays right? And I'll buy Mrs. Carey's candy for the boys.

doors

There are always doors. Sometimes they all seem to close. I had a fantasy that I would go to the play writing workshop and find that I could become a  playwright. Maybe go get an MFA in Theater somewhere...but what I realized was that I don't know enough and that, like ever other sort of writing career, you have to be very competitive to succeed. Becoming a playwright is my middle aged version of becoming a ballerina in my teens.

So this experience clarified the fact that law school is a real viable track for me. It presents a challenge. It starts in the spring when I am feeling good. It will give me lots of structure. It will give me the credentials to work in a non-profit job that will foster my desire to cooperate not compete.

And it's the only door that's open at the minute. My son wants to go to law school too, and I have a fantasy that we can take the bar exam together. He could help me pass! so somehow I just have to get through this holiday season and Richard has to get through this job he's on and then we can start working on getting my office space together. Like doors, there are always hurdles.

drama workshop

So I'm just back from San Fransisco where I attended a playwriting seminar. What happened was that ten playwrights got together with the playwright in residence and wrote ten micro dramas. Then while we were eating lunch the actors of the sponsoring theater learned their roles and gave readings of the ten plays to a full audience of theater members.

It was really great to see my play come to life. I have to say that my play got the most laughs. It was about a narcissistic mother and a spoilt child. We really didn't have much time to write these plays because the seminar leader had us doing a lot of writing warm ups before hand. I was glad I got something down at all.

I have to admit that seeing your work come to life really gives you the bug for play writing. I wish I had started this when I was young. Now I'm not really in the position to become a playwright. There is too much I don't know.

I thought about giving up law school for an MFA in play writing. But I don't see that as a wise investment at this stage (Pun) of my life. It's strange how quickly you go from having all sorts of doors open to you to having such limitations in life. It seemed like just a little while ago I could have done anything. But now my options are quite hemmed in. But this isn't the theme of the "My magnificent life blog" now is it?

I'm taking a few days off from this blog because I'm feeling misanthopic. These long dark days are really hard on me. I just need to curl up with a book and my husband for awhile. More soon.

prairie dolls

All the little prairie doll needle holders are done! Well actually my mom decided I have to make three more. But the 26 I agreed to make are finished. They are about to be shipped off to all the females in our extended family in Richmond VA and elsewhere.

This little craft project is based on the work of early 20th century artist Kate Greenaway and was originally made by my great aunts and my great grandmother. My mom wanted to share this with all the ladies in the family so they would remember how lovely the older generation was.

We are sending these dolls out with a little note that says, "A gift from the past...." And an explanation of what the doll is for and how it came to be in our family. I don't think they'll make anyone's Christmas but they're kind of interesting.

I enjoyed working with my mom on this project. Her enthusiam made the work fly by. I thought it was a rather grand plan to made so many, and I like grand plans. I really hope receiving one of these dolls will make the younger generation interested in these old Aunts and Great Grandmother. They were such artistic and interesting people.

It doesn't seem like the younger generation is much interested in their elders. But I idolized my great aunts. I wanted to be exactly like my Aunt Olive. She has been such a role model to me as to how to be and how to be an aunt. Part of which is to instill memory about the family into the younger ones so they would know where they came from.

cell phones

I know I'm beating a dead horse here, but I hate cell phones at family parties. I remember Thanksgivings where people of all ages sat around the table and talked. Everyone told interesting stories and jokes and we laughed and laughed.

But now everyone's on their cell phone, especially the young people. So you don't hear from them at all during the party. Honestly it makes me so nostalgic.

But this is the way things are now. I read a study that said women prefer electronic gifts over diamonds. And I thought something's wrong with the world.

I know the world's not going to stop and change for me which means I need to get with the program. But so help me I just can't. So I remain at odds with the planet which is not a smart position.

But it is one I find myself in more and more these days. I guess this is what it means to grow old. And I'm too young to be this old and cranky. So the cell phone's the thing at parties nowadays. I can live with that.

So the art of converstion is a lost one. I can live with that. Things in the world don't suit me anymore but I can live with it.

Just go with the flow. You have plenty of time to do what you want. You just can't expect to have close relationships with your nieces and nephews the way you did in the past.

That was then; this is now. Growing old is about growing obsolete. Feeling obsolete does not go with having a magnificent life. But the time I spend feeling obsolete is self-limiting afterall. The kids don't come banging on my door. They're not dying to see me. Cell phone or no.

The mountains

Although my house doesn't sit on a ridge like this, I still love living in the mountains. I get to see views like these everyday. It is what I'm thankful for this Thanksgiving. I like waking up to clouds in my meadow. I like the creek that runs by my house. I like the way things look with the inch of snow we've got now.

Sure I miss the culture of the city. I miss the pace and the churches and the art. But I love the peace of the mountains. The lack of traffic. The hometown feel. I don't know if I will stay here forever. It might be too lonely if I didn't have Richard.

In that case I might want to go join my son. That's why I want to get a law degree. So I can work for him if it ever comes to that. But right now I'm super thankful for the mountains and mostly for Richard who makes living here tolerable.

The beauty alone would be empty without his wit. He keeps me on my toes. And he reads so much that I have to work to keep up with him. Thanksgiving is one of the major holiday of the year. I need to find a way to be happy for at least the few hours I spend with my family.

I need to forget all the things I feel are not right and embrace the things that are. This kind of embrace is what leading a magnificent life is all about. Being grateful is at the heart of being magnificent. I feel that most of the time I live with a kind of belt cinched around my heart. I think mindfulness is focusing on  uncinching that belt. And letting the heart be whole.

letter writing

Every week I write my Aunt Beverly. Sometimes she answers which is great but I write anyway even if she doesn't. I find it to be a comforting habit to stay in touch with part of the family that I rarely get to see.

I like to dish with my Aunt about the family. Although she is very circumspect. She likes the details of people's lives as do I. We find the family an endless source of interest.

I think to write a good letter you have to be genuinely interested in other people and why they do what they do.

You also have to be willing to be self revealing. For instance Aunt Beverly just told me she's been learning lessons about letting go and then she mentioned not making the ususal crab cakes they have at Thanksgiving.

I get this immediately. When you are used to one way of doing something. What might be called a family tradition, it's really hard to let that go.

I find letters are done best on a schedule. I try to write my other friend on Wednesday but don't do so well with that as I do writing my Aunt on Sundays. Sundays seem like a natural day to write letters.

You could say I have a tradition of writing my Aunt on Sundays. And it will be hard to let that go.

wee hours

I find it comforting, if lonesome, to be up at the wee wee hours alone in my house, with the fire going and the internet for a companion. I find myself talking to other night owls from other time zones from Afghanistan to Hawaii.

Just a few minutes of internet convo and then it's back to my lonely nocternal pursuits. Looking up books, watching TV shows. Hanging out with my cat.

I'm sort of in the Medieval pattern of first sleep and second sleep with a break in the middle. I've been doing this for a while now. I go to bed early and then wake up about two in the morning. Or else I wake up really early like at 5 or so and stay up.

Being up by myself give me time to meditate on what the priorities are. Which are to take care of Richard. Help myself so I can help others. Stay in touch with my family and friends. Get this house in shape. Read books. Stay healthy.

If I were in school I guess I would be studying. What I really want to do is to be shopping on eBay. It's the time of year when I like to buy five gold rings! But I'm going to forgoe that pleasure for the good of my pocketbook.

Still tis the season to be festive. I can turn on the colored lights and listen to Holiday music to try and catch the spirit.

grateful

Well it's suddenly Thanksgiving and I have to make some candied yams. Well not that candied. I don't use marshmellows. Just brown sugar and butter.

So I'm looking for the glass dish I always use for this dish, and I find that sometime since last year it has cracked in two. Now this was a dish that was Richard's  mom's, and I already lost the pie dish I got from her. So this comes as a bad surprise.

Richard says, "Lillian (his mom) wouldn't be upset. She'd say, 'I'm just glad you kids are OK and didn't get hurt.'" But now I have no dish for my yams.

I have her old Corning Ware but it's too small. I'd have to bring two dishes. I have lots of serving dishes so I could cook the yams and then transfer them onto a serving dish but then how to reheat them at my sister's?

What I really should be thinking of is what I'm grateful for. That's what we celebrate isn't it? Being grateful. I'm grateful for so many things. As they say I count my blessings, count them one by one.

So there is my family and friends. My house. My pets. My health. My computer. Richard's jokes. My vacuum. My car.  Food, music, nature, photography, writing, law school, glasses, the internet.

I know there is so much more that I'm missing. Hot showers for examples. The blessing of not being one of the millions of the world's displaced persons. How can we be all fat and happy while so many others are suffering?

I feel that I'm called to do something, but I don't know what. Why am I so forntunate? And  yet why do I have enough personal struggles that I remained chained to an ineffective and small life?

This seems to be the problem for so many of us. We are chained to our small problems and lack the freedom to affect meaningful change.

friendship

When your young this is how you do it. It's so natural to make friends. And in  your twenties and thirties you make such good friends that you don't even think about your family or origin much at all anymore.

This is my new theory about why I haven't heard from my son. I know I was like this in my twenties. I had very good friends and I was enamored of them. I just didn't want to break to bubble of my new world to deal with my family.

I had close friends with whom I spent the holidays. I didn't think it bothered my parents at all. I thought they were fine without me. Well, in my case they had seven others to worry about. But still.
If I can survive a few more years of this, I may make it.

I'm going to Reno for Thanksgiving. I will see my nieces and nephews. I need to pay more attention to them. And by the way how did it get to be the holidays so quickly? At this rate law school will go by in a flash.

Anyway back to friends. I want Steven to have those kinds of deep, intense friendships you only have when you're young. So I have to let him go and be with those friends and do without him over the holidays and at other times as well. There's so much loss in having children; I'm surprised that anyone makes it through the process without going mad with grief.

empty nest

Kids, they break  your heart. I haven't heard form my son in a long time. I don't know; he's just not in the habit of calling me. I want to talk to him about law school, but I can't get his attention.

I know  his phone was broken. But surely it's been remedied by  now. Anyway that's his deal.

I have to live my own life now. It's as if I never were a parent. It's weird to feel childless when you've made your whole identity about being a parent. But this is how it is now.

It's really like having a second adulthood. I can reinvent myself as the recruiter for the law school said. I'm not old enough to just give up the ghost. But somehow empty nest sounds like emptiness.

So onward and upward. Lyn. You can do it. You can reinvent your life with the help of the internet and modern technology. You can take care of the mess around here and swankify the place and lead an active meaningful postchild adult life.

I just burned two large envelopes of memorbilia. I'm starting to throw stuff out. I'm getting on with it.
I don't really know that I can do the school work, but I can't think of anything else to try. I've got to add some structure to my life that is also personally challenging. I think this might work.

Reno

It's always fun to go to Reno. I like to go to the Salvation Army where I found a hundred dollar watch for tweleve bucks! It keeps perfect time. And is LED. We also went to MasterCraft wood yard and Richard bought all the supplies necessary for a cabinet job he's doing.

He always feels a bit shy going to this huge lumber yard where he imagines hundreds of subdivision contractors loading up thousands of dollars of purchases. But when we get there the yard is dead empty. A cool cowboy helps Richard load up his small order.

Then comes time for Richard to tie down the load. Now this is not Richard's strong suit. As he says he never learned how to roll up a rope so that it just drops out perfectly in untangled loops. So anyway, he's trying to untangle his rope and the taciturn cowboy's smoking a cigarette and watching and Richard's feeling like, why don't you just go away, and then the guy comes over and helps him!

The cowboy swiftly untangles the rope and ties down the load like it were a bison in Wyoming. I mean that load was tied down tight. And Richard, he's so cool, he asks if the guy will take anything for his help, and the guy says sure, and Richard slips him a tenspot. And everyone is happy.

We really believe in tipping people. The guys from the interent company that climb your tree, the guy that stops to jump your car battery. Some people accept and some don't. It's all good. The only tangible ways to show love is with time and money. And since you can't give these people any of your time, it's money baby, money.

transition

If you change the word Career above to Life the slogan above would describe my Magnificent Life project. I decided to transition into a more fulfilling and exciting life by slowing down and waiting to see what happened.

And it didn't take long. Sixty days to be precise. And I was more or less signed up for law school. I'm having dreams about how I will understand the work. Which I think is a good sign given that I'm afraid that I may not.

I've reduce two more doses of my drugs to enhance my memory. And that seems to be going pretty well. I'm still getting good sleep.

So the big question becomes what do I do now for the next several months, all winter really, until I start school? I need to get into shape to consentrate on school work.

Tomorrow we go to Reno, so that takes up the immediate future. Then there is this big pile of paper I have stacked on the table. I could go through that. What I could do I is one little organizational thing a day to move toward being ready for school. Just one small thing a day. The way I write this blog.

Turtle steps and my life coach Katie says.

In the moment

This quote is soooo true. I'm tending to live in the future these days, thinking when Richard get done with this job then we can etc, etc, etc. I have a lot of projects I want to do to swankify my house and also to get ready for Law School. I've realised that I can't work in my bedroom office because it is too far from Richard and the flow of things. But the kitchen table won't do any longer either.

So I want to switch out the rug and the sofa in the living room and at the same time add a small desk which Richard will build to size that I will place in the middle of the room. I will clear the shelves and make room for my books and papers.

But see how this is living in the future?

What I need to do is be mindful of the present which is the lovely dusk of a lovely day. The sky is pink and purple like a painting. Richard is building a fire in the big room. The dryer is running. It is very cozy. Now the pink has faded from the sky leaving it a smokey lavender. Just that quick. That is living in the now.

The UPS guy just came to the door bringing Richard his sandpaper. The dogs barked briefly. The sky is an eggshell blue fading to gray. I won't think about the past and the people I've lost. The people I've loved and lost. I will think about how glad I am to have Richard here right now. The birds have stopped singing.

Being mindful of the now is kind of boring. But it is peaceful.

insider

As the olderst of eight kids, I think of myself as the  ultimate insider. And for a while this has been true. I helped most of the younger kids through school, set the example for what was cool. Moved to Quincy and lead the pack to Northern California.

But since I've been ill and not able to work, I've become an outlier.  It appears on the surface that I have no influence in the family anymore. And mostly I don't. And I don't want any. Who wants to know what old Aunty Lyn thinks anyway?

But on the other hand, I am the keeper of the history of things. I knew our Dad the longest and very well at the end. He had been having long phone calls with me for over a year during the time I was getting divorced. I got to be really close to him then.

I also knew Aunt Olive really well. I sat at her bed side when she was dying. She had a tremendous influence over my life. So much of who I am and what I believe comes from her. She had a shoebox full of rings just like I do!

And I keep track of the Richmond relatives. I write Aunt Beverly every week. So I have the sense of the larger picture. And maybe nobody wants to know this stuff. But I think it's important, and I believe at some point there maybe one of the younger generation who will want know about the past the way I did when I was young.

And if not? So what. It will die with me and no one will be the wiser. What I have to wrap my mind around is that people change. My family has changed. But I hold the core of it in my heart.

my hands

On Sunday evening, whether I feel good or not, I change my rings. I have hundreds of rings, and I like to wear them all from time to time. So I try to develop a theme and go with something new every time.

What is the point of all this you ask? Well everyone needs a passion, or a hobby. Something calming to while away the idle hours. I have a jewelry blog at lynsjewelryblog.blogspot.com where I write about my  love of jewels.

This week I want to wear my black diamond so I will try to make up a theme of other black rings, mostly of oynx and some gold bands. Some rings I like so well I always wear them. One is my signiture piece, a medalion with a stag's head on it.

It was made from a brass button that Richard gave me. I had it set in gold and it looks like an old coin. It's my favorite ring. My other two favorite rings are a bohemian turquoise ring with a lot of gold work in the setting and a large diamond cluster ring. I don't wear these all the time but if I had to choose three rings these would be them.

sad

Ok so maybe it's not that bad. But I've had a sad day. It's terrible to be in conflict with someone you love. And it's bound to happen. You just can't live perfectly in this world.

So how do you move on? All that can be said has been said. No one is going to change his or her mind. So the job is to just carry on,

I have to think of my future in a new light. Move on and don't have expectations that others can't fulfill. So that means I need to focus on law school even if, as one of my "friends" said, I'll be starting my career with a cane.

Gosh I don't think of myself as being that old. I mean the fifties are the new forties right? And my other good friend Adele says she thinks people like us need these very structured lives with specific short and long term goals.

So I'm going to devote myself to my new career and to doing the work that comes with it. And I have to remember that I have my own family, meaning Steven and Ash.

They don't need me now. But they will. And Richard needs me. He would be a wreak without me. So I need to focus on what's at hand and stop wishing that things were like they were in times past.

The world has changed. People are not the same as they once were. I have to accept their new identities and move on. Immutable mutability.

luck

It was Friday the Thirteenth. And as luck would have it our downstairs bathroom toilet and tub overflowed mightily. It was a yucky mess to say the least. I told Richard we'd been having so many nice days that something like this was bound to happen.

However as luck would have it, I had also just taken the second part of the online law school admissions test and had done pretty well. It lookes like I'd be going back to school.

As luck would also have it our former brother-in-law is a plumber. We called him and he diagnosed the problem over the phone and offer Richard some tools to borrow to fix the problem. Apparently we had a blockage right near the septic tank.

And as luck would  have it, with a nifty little tool known as a donkey dong the problem was resolved.

And as luck would have it I'll be doing some scrubbing in the near future.

So altogether it was a lucky day, more good than bad. Actually Friday the Thirteenths have been lucky for us Walters. Two of the sibling were born on them. The two redheads, Marty and Will.

So I'm all for luck. As for Richard, he says, "If life hands you lemons, throw them at someone!"

fall dinner

So we went to the Fall Benefit Turkey Dinner at the Methodist Church tonight. It was very crowded. The food was very good, actually. The tables were all manned by golden girls and their grandchildren, including my mom and my nephew, James.

James is a serious kid of almost 12, and he works very hard. I hardly ever get to see him even though he lives in the same town as I. Anyway it was great to see him tonight. We were sitting next to a nice family, a single mom and three girls. They were very well behaved. And serious too.

I wonder about these serious kids. They're too grown up. Seen too much divorce. Heartbreak or whatever.

Then there was a chatty Kathy whom I knew vaguely. She talked about herself from the moment she sat down till the moment we left. I happen to know her son is a narcissist as well. I used to work with him.

After the single mom left, no one was friendly around us. But we weren't very friendly either. I packed up most of my meal and took it home with me. I gave my  mom a hug. She seems so tiny and temporary to me somehow. What will I do without her?

When we left we saw the ticket seller was huddling out in the cold. He's 94 years old. It was dark. The church is losing members. It's membership is aging. Why are not all of us who come to eat not at worship on Sundays?

waking up

So like I read this book today while lacksadaisically studying for my law school test. I'm fascinated by these stories about people who "die" and wake up in heaven only to come back to earth as changed people. It seems to me to be a more and more documented phenomena.

People really seem transformed by these experiences. They walk the walk. It is akin to being struck down on the road to Damascus. Their lives become magnificent. They live more intuitively and less materialistically.

In the case of this woman here, she hears God tell her whom to tell her story to and it always turns out that it provides healing for the listener in some way. Her main message is the same as St. Paul's :
You are loved beyond measure by God. This is the message of all the mystics in one way or another.

So what if we were to really believe this? That we are the Divine's great beloved? What does that do to a person? One who has not seen the wounds in Christ's hands? Does it make one religion crazed?
Or can one really be ennobled?

I really want to know what radical self acceptance feels like. To know that everything is OK. Because it doesn't seem that OK to me really. I mean the politics, the wars, the climate, the wholesale distruction of everything.

My son believes in the body politic. That individuals can make a difference. I'm thinking of Law School in that light. So that maybe later in life I can work with him. As the possessor of a magnificent life unfolding into an activist... ? As a believer of God's great love can I enhance my impact on the people and issues I care about? God's love looks like a radical self love. Self love is the foundation of a magnificent life. The magnificent life is the basis of a person's true work in the world.
I'm trying to really get how this all works together.

Law school, again

So I was contacted by one of the recruiters from the Concord School of Law, the online law school. Now I know that going to lawschool online is far from ideal but it's the only way I can do it. So the first thing I have to so is take a two part entrance test. Well I've looked at part one and it's not easy. I'll have to study.

Well I visited my elderly friend Barb, and told her about the test and going to law school and she said I was in a perfect place to do it. I was free to study. Had a beautiful place to work. Was set up to work with my computer and already had lots of school experience. She was so encouraging. She said that when you're eighty, three years seem like a short time.

Well then my other friend called me wanting me to so some work for her. And I said I wasn't sure I could do it since I would be studying for a law school entrance exam. She then asked me if I were going to be the new so and so in town ( a very nice lady) and flunk the bar exam 18 times! I was totally stunned.

What is it about changing your life that brings out the worst in some people and the best in others? I guess some people feel threatened that you might not play the same role that you have in the past in their lives if you change what you're doing.

But wouldn't you like to have a badass lawyer for a friend better than a burned out community college teacher? I should think that the former would be of more help than the latter. Anyway I gotta go study for that test....

commitment

So I went to the doctor today about a backache I've been having that is really bothering me lately. The doc confirmed that it was because of my scoliosis that I was having the pain. I remember when I was a kid, the docs at Kaiser told me I had scoliosis and wanted me to wear a back brace. I refused and they told me. "You don't feel it now but you will in your fifties." Well so they were right.

I'm still glad I didn't have to wear a back brace. But the pain is a killer at times. Especially when I sit at the computer. Which I do a lot. So I can call the pain doc, Doc Flappen. Or I can try to strengthen my core and stretch which sounds a lot like yoga.

There is a lovely yoga teacher in town and when I took classes she charged $10 a class. I guess that's a fair price and with the savings I'm getting, what with giving up the evil Lady Diet Shasta, I can even afford it.

I just need to commit to the practice. This commitment is the same issue I have about going to church, mindfulness class, taking walks, writing, and all the other things that take commitment. Like cleaning and cooking. I'm just not very committed about anything.

I think this is a problem of our culture really. Or of people my age. The younger kids seem better at commitment. If my kids are any example. It is we children of the '70's that don't like to commit. And I really don't know why that is. I was committed to school. And am even looking into a 3rd degree program.

I just know that My magnificent life must rely on a commitment to something. I just haven't heard the call yet. But I'm eagerly waiting.

the prison artist

So like  I find it to be the ultimate irony that the economy in which the artist thrives the easiest is the prison economy. I just received a portrait of myself and my husband from my former student, current friend, Kyle who is in prison.

He had to pay for that gift somehow. The artist sells his skills for trade or commissary goods to those like Kyle who want to send a gift out. Or want to have something in their cell.

Richard tells me that in the old days, inmates used to make mop string sweaters, literally sweaters made of strings out of a new mops and they were sold as well. He told me that you could pay people in the taylor's shop to custom design your state uniform. He also said guys would make cool items of jewelry out of cigarette foiled backed paper pack that was used for freshness.

When I worked in the jail I received cardboard folded picture frames and one time a beautiful delicate rose made of toilet paper. You can't imagine how lovely this flower was. If someone had told me you could make something nice out of toilet paper, I wouldn't have believed it.

But in prisons and jails people have time and the imagination flowers. I've received beutifully drawn cards as well. And if a person can rap another inmate will hire him to write a poem for his sweetheart. Having an artistic talent is a distinct advantage in the joint.

It can make you valuable to enough people that not one group can dominate you or control you. Art is a means to freedom in prison.

One of the nicest days

I'm always saying I wish something good would happen. Well today was one of the nicest days in many small ways. It started out with my finishing two prairie girls dolls for my mom. Then I help Richard to hang a door. This was not your  normal door. It's a complicated panel door that requires being bolted on to some overhead rollers. And it's a big and heavy door of solid wood. But we worked together really well.

Then I drove Richard to town while still in my work clothes (unheard of for me) and we bought a picnic dinner from Sav Mor. On the way home we picked up this large envelop that contained the above artwork!

Our friend Kyle Pearson had it commisioned for us as a gift. It's a very flattering portrait of us from a photo a few years ago. I was so happy with it. To understand what a huge gift this is you have to understand that Kyle's in prison. And has been for 6 years. He really should be out, having no previous record. If he'd been in a big city he'd have gotten a couple of years tops. But instead he got 12!

He asked me for this pic 5 years ago. I'd totally forgotten giving it to him. So you can imagine my surprise when I openned this envelop up. What a treat. And to top it off my son called an told me my ex got fired from his swanky job. Which actually made me feel sort of bad before I decided you reap what you sow.

Richard and I spent the evening drinking bourbon and listening to Paul Rodgers singing R and B classics. This is my Magnificent Life!

post fireworks

These are my kids. They were key players in the election of progressive cadidate Aaron Peskin to Dsitrict 3 Supervisor's seat in San Fransisco. While the progressives lost all the other major races across the country, this race was the exception. My husband asked me how it felt to be the mother of a successful campaign staffer and strategist. And I said, "Pretty good."

I got a call from my son this morning and he told me all of the gossip and intrigue of the race. He was funny and nice. He told me he was starting back to work on Supervisor Jane Kim's State Senate bid next week. And though he felt sort of empty he was happy and not depressed.

But then he suddenly had to go and hung  up. This after telling me his dad had dropped by the office during the race and smoozed with the candidate. This is so typical of that bastard. I haven't met anyone. But his dad knows all the players!

Sometimes I feel like a mere asterisk in my son's life. When I talked this over with my mom she tells me not to feel too bad. Kids his age want to make a name for themselves. They don't want their mothers and dads hanging around. But I still feel bad.

Still I guess if you have to be estranged from your kids it's better if they are successful and not out on the streets. I thank God for that. So as regards my magnificent life it's got to be for me not my kids. They're making their own magnificent lives as they should be. That leaves me to my own. I'd better get back to it. The fireworks are over.

politics part 2

And so on Election Night it's all about the Candidate and yet.... From behind the scenes it's a lot about the campaign team. The candidate is just the figure head subject to the devotion or lack there of of  his staff.

So this man Aaron Peskin won the District 3 Supervisor Seat in San Fransisco, a race in which he was the underdog, in large part because of the labors of my son and his partner. My son was the staff member in charge of strategy and Ash was a precinct captain. They both worked their tails off to win this election.

And he won! He won! That's very empowering stuff for the staff. They know it wouldn't have happened without their contributions. The candidate doesn't just win a race on his own charisma. And it is an addictive game. My son starts another campaign just as soon as this one wraps up. He says he loves the stress.

The average time people spend in this type of work is two years. Steven wants to make a career out of it. This was his second race. I barely spoke to him for five months. Steven realizes he's really good at this kind of work. But I hope he moves on to be a candidate himself or a legislative aide. He used to say he wanted to be Mayor of San Fransisco. I endorse him. But I am his mom.

the greediness of writers

So like this is really hard for me to talk about. But writers are greedy. I have a friend whom I have been out of touch with for sometime. Well we finally connected and it turns out that there have been some pretty dramatic changes happening in his life.

Let me say that I have always found this friend interesting. He was really just sort of a kid when I met him as a student in one of my classes. But when the class was over we remained friends. He was the one who taught me to shoot a gun like a Marine.

Anyway we've been in touch off and on over the years and I liked him so much that he became a character in my play The Lahontan Monologues. In the mean time he's lived a real life. And become a very interesting grown up man.

So today he tells me his story which is fasinating and which includes him winning $9,000 worth of DeWalt tools for a short story he wrote, which as one of his former writing teachers, I'm totally thrilled about. Yes he was one of a handful of very talented  students I've been blessed with. I can name them on one hand. And I've lost touch with most of them.

But I totally fail as a human being. Instead of empathizing with the pain of the situation I'm jazzed by the sizzle. He's living life to the fullest the way my perception of him as a character leads me to think he should. I'm greedy for the story and inhuman about the life.

This makes me hate myself. As a writer I love the excitment of a life fully lived by a character. As a human I suck. And the terrible thing is I want to know what he's going to do next. I'm greedy for the novel!

politics

Since the beginning of June our son Steven has been working on getting this man elected to the San Fransisco Board of Supervisors in District 3. His name is Aaron Peskin. He has become a household character in our lives. First our son told us he was disappointed to be working for an "old white guy," having wanted a certain Chinese American woman in the Planning Department to run.

Well this old guy is younger than me! By several years! As time went on it began to be clear that this race was going to be the hotest thing in SF politics this year. Both sides were spending big bucks. The opponent was an old white Mormon Lady who was appointed by Chinese American Mayor Ed Lee to the position vacated midterm.

Her name is Julie Christensen. She is a flunky for big development. She has already spent 1 million dollars on her campaign. Pesky has spent $700,000. He's held the job before in the early 2000's. He's a progressive. WE like him. He's the underdog.

It's interesting. All my nephews are interested in politics. I have always encouraged this passion with Steven. We had a club called the SOS club when he was growing up. We would sit around the table with friends and Savage Our Society. When I was a reporter, I took Steven to all the Board of Supervisor meetings I went to as well as other public meetings in town.

Steven's partner Ashley is working on the campaign as well. She's even pictured in the campaign literature (bottom left). So tommow is the big day. We will learn the effectiveness of my son's strategy on this election. I'm praying to the old white guy upstairs for a victory for the old white guy in SF, District 3.

Sundays

So like on Sundays I usually read the news in some form, try to have a discussion of if with Richard. Then we watch our neighbor Dwayne work around his property. The guys runs the tightest ship on earth and is only here on the weekends so he really hustles. He kinda provides the weekend's entertainment for us since we can't see the neighbors on the other side and can only hear them when they're arguing.

Then I take an afternoon nap.

It's a pretty good way to spend the day of rest. I usually talk on the phone to friends and sisters. But I sort of miss some of the things that go with going to church. But just thinking about going back makes me itch all over. I had way tooooo much church at the front end of my life.

Like my mom was a Bible scholar and worked at the church and was the choir director. And I was in the youth group and the choir and worked at the summer day camp and the afterschool care. And I practiacally lived at the church. I had some really good friends at the church. This is true.

But then there was always the guilt. I always felt that what I was not doing was what God wanted me to do. And I'm afraid of that now. If I go back to the church I'll be asked to do things, and I won't want to do them and I'll feel church goers guilt. And that's what makes my skin itch.

The magnificent life idea is that you do things you love. Being forced into do-goodery at the church doesn't match my idea of something I love. Although if I could do a bible study at the jail and help save some of those inmates from the relentlessly faithful Jehovah Wittnesses, I might reconsider.

Plus Richard doesn't believe. He likes our Sundays the way they are. And that means a lot to me.
So I guess I'll steer clear for a while from do-gooder guilt. I hate peer pressure. I'm not a joiner.

grey hair

As in the day of Madame de Pompadour, gray hair is actually popular again. Unfortunately mine is natural. And way too whispy. This from the girl that used to have "all that hair." You know a man told me once that when women enter their 50's they go through and  ugly period which they come out of in their 60's. I wanted to bop him at the time. But now that I'm there I feel it's true. There's nothing  I can do to look good.

I've gained weight. My hair has fallen out. This is menopause. And it's really hard on the ol' body. I don't know if my hair will ever come back. And since quitting the Dark Lady Diet Shasta I'm only more hungry. So the weight issue is still an issue.

I told my friend Elyce that we were brought up way too concerned about how we looked. And she agreed. But not with the enthusiam I would have liked. I feel absolutely burdened by expectations about my looks, and I just think, doesn't who I am matter a whole lot more?

I hate leaving the house looking the way I do because I hate giving in to being an ordinary middle aged woman. How vain is that? But I've always been extraordinary and being ordinary is hard for me. I just struggle with it. Why at this point in life am I doomed to be ordinary?

These feeling are not at all in harmony with the "My Magnificent Life" theme. So I keep hoping this is temporary. I keep thinking my hair is really growing back in, all evidence to the contrary. I tell myself I'll lose weight while I snack on pecans. And I take webinars on how to draw on the perfect eyebrows....

green eyed monster

Ok so envy is the green eyed monster and I'm feeling it. This person that I hate who was in the position to push me out of a job I loved now has that job herself. So yes I'm feeling the pain. So if you're reading this you horrible witch, laugh, laugh, you really got to me.

But you know I don't feel that bad. I was green for awhile but it's lessened substantially. Why? Because I believe in my magnificent life. I don't know how it will happen but I will get mine. The universe is huge and someone else's trash may be my treasure. So I don't want to be a hater. Hey that's almost a poem.

But seriously this person is really wicked. I believe you haven't had an effect on the world unless you've gained a true enemy. And this lady's mine. It's kind of scary really. And the fact that she is blessed with this great job just shows how God loves your  enemies too. That's the real lesson for me here.

God or the Universe loves everyone. Even your enemies. So good. God bless her because I certainly can't. She's not able to make the kinds of friends that I have and that's sad for her. She actually has a pretty sad life. So yeah, God bless her. And as Marianne Williamson always says what you give to others you really give to yourself. So God bless me.

living the dream

So basically my childhood dream was to be a ballerina. So much for that. But I'm still facinated by people who are living their dreams. I got a call from my sister Nancy today. And she's living her dream. She and her husband have bought a four acre farm not far from downtown Portland. They are in the process of building into a center for the community not unlike a Balinese water temple.

They have even created a mission statement for their project focusing on conservation, farming and community. They are busy building community partnerships and even in the midst of restructuring many of the main buildings managed to host a big fund raiser event for a non-profit.

I own an acre that could potentially be a farm but I'm just not the gardening type. I do have a prime directive about the property which is: don't cut down the trees. Even when they're right up against the building. Everywhere that Steven and I lived before we got this place, the landlord cut down a big tree. It used to make Steven cry when he was little. So I promised him that when we found our own place we'd never cut the trees.

But the big beautiful trees drop lots of debris which make the property hard to maintain. And I'm just not in shape enough to keep things in order. Maybe that will be my goal for this spring. One thing I know is that I will not cut down the trees. And they are magnificent. And they are part of living my adult dream which is something about living in a cabin in the woods, being creative.

happiness

I've somewhat been living like an orchid in a jar. So scrapes with the real world like yesterday's heist leave me worn out and with a migraine. I continue to feel badly about the need to take kids away form their parents. Yesterday's move was the right one, but still.

So I got some knitting done. Made one praire girl for my mom. And spent the evening trying to put together another gift box for Ashley. Ashley is someone who should have probably been taken away from her parents at a young age. For those of you who don't know she's my daughter-in-law in that she's been my son's partner for over ten years. I really like giving  her things.

Richard thinks I spoil Ash. But I never had a little girl who loved the girly things like clothes and jewelry so God has given me Ash. She's not easy to please. And most of the time I feel like I strike out but the joy I get when I get a hit is unparrelled.

I know I can't buy her love. But I'm not really trying to. I just want to see her happy. She's a joy when she's happy. She works really hard and has been a real support to my son so I love her. And I figure if if it makes me happy to send her gift packages so what? You only live once. Why short yourself the chance to make someone happy? There's so much unhappiness out there that given the chance to birng happiness, I want to carpe diem.

My Aunt

I spent seven hours with my older friend Barbara today. This included lunch at the Paradise. We discussed all manner of things from fashion to religion. Barbara is 80 years old and I enjoy her company immensely.

I think this is because I used to visit my Great Aunt Olive when she was in her 80's and I in my teens and we'd talk for hours. She was always interested in fashion. She taught me to knit, the same way I taught my neices to knit. She had a shoe box full of rings and was always working on some kind of hand work.

She had beautiful old bone china and a special dish for every dish. A fish dish for fish and a fruit dish for fruit. I loved her house which was an old Pasadena craftsman style bungalow. She loved to talk about all the politics of our family and the old scandals. She was interested in my boyfriends. And my hair styles.

I knew then that being 80 wasn't old; it was interesting. My Aunt had interesting friend that were older than she was. And she took me to visit them in her classic 57 Chevy, blue and white, that she had bought when it was new and just took really really good care of and of course still drove. She had a lead foot too.

One of her old friends, Mary Waumsetta, had a house full of old dolls. Cabinets of tiny dolls and tables of huge standing dolls all with huge glass eyes and real hair. We had high tea there with her children who were in their 70's and seemed somehow older than she did.

So I love my friend Barbara. She's not the same as my Aunt. She goes to lunch in her nightgown and her house is a trailer. But she loves beautiful things especially rings which we have in common. And we talked for several hours about our friend who is trying to gain custody of her grandchild and what we could do to help. Being 80 is being real. It's not some senior waste land. Growing old is not for the weak.

Snake Lake

So like we took the dogs up to Snake Lake to get some exercise and they of course ran a muck in the wet grasses near the water. They had so much fun I couldn't even begrudge letting them back into the truck with their black muddy underbellies.

When we got home we sat in the yard and drank some nice red wine even though it was only 2 in the afternoon. Our cedar tree is having a bumper year of those little seed pods they drop and it was really windy so every now and then we'd get hit by one.

Which got Richard to thinking about how a guy was relaxing under a tree in Golden Gate Park when he was hit by a 16 lb pine cone and as a result is now brain damaged for life. Which just goes to show that the statement "Don't go troubling trouble and trouble won't trouble you," isn't necessarily so.

Sometimes Trouble just knocks you in the head. This happend to us when a friend asked us to be there when her daughter gets served the papers which inform her she's losing temporary custody of her son to her mother. This girl has a temper and I foresee trouble.

This was the trouble that sent us out on our ride to Snake Lake to begin with. Beauty soothes a lot of woes and we felt better seeing the beautiful fall day at the lake. And enjoying our dogs. But I got trouble in mind. But I guess you do what you can for your friends. Secretly I think I'm a fair weather friend. I love when my friends experience fair weather.

mandala

This is my reading after taking the mandala reading above. I thought it was pretty dead on. I gave the test to Richard and not only did I predict which he would pick, it turned out to fit him perfectly as well. So give it a try. Go to www.thefifthelementlife.com. Then drop down the Sacred Seeker menu and pick What's My Mandala Match?

book

So like I thought this was a book about Frieda Kahlo because my eyes are so bad. I thought this was a picture of her. Actually this book is a sweeping saga about a Jewish family on the Island of St. Thomas. So far I'm enjoying it quite a bit even though the language is overlush in places. Sometimes too much of a good thing, well, it's just too much.

I  notice Isabel Allende has another book out called the Japanese Lover. I think I will order this one too. I'm just turning to all my escape writers for some reason. I keep thinking of my friend Elyce wandering through her pretty Dowsett style house cleaning and cooking and wonder if I had a house like that if I would be more like she is? I live in a cozy cabin and am to be found curled up in a chair with my kindle rather than cooking or cleaning.

Elyce even has a painting that she painted over her mantle piece. It is very Bloomsbury. Very Vanessa Bell. I couldn't begin to paint something I'd hang on my own wall! I guess that's why I'm reading escapist fiction. As long as Richard is working on the inside of the house I can't get it cleaned the way I want. To make an art of my life including my house is the goal.

And if I can't get there one way I'll get there another. This is the magnificence of reading.

the fool

So like it's easy to feel the fool when you can't even decide whether to read the new Margaret Atwood book or the new Alice Hoffman book. One is a distopian novel and one magic realism. Plus it's not like these are the only choices. There are thousands of better books out there to read. And what's wrong with reading both?

But I've been undecided all day and consequently have read nothing. I've made three prairie girl dolls for my mom's Christmas presents. I texted Elyce several times. I had a long conversation with Richard about how he did well at the dentist to mention his carpentry skills. Networking is good say all the life coaches and BMI groups.

I spent some quality time with my cat and tried to clean up a little around here. But this book decission is weighing on me. Margaret Atwood never disappoints and Alice Hoffman seems to be tackling a worn out topic (Frieda Kahlo) but I'm leaning toward the Hoffman book.

Maybe I can't commit to the Hoffman book because I don't want to admitt to seeking escapism. I'm already leading a pretty eacapist life. Shouldn't I confront the distopic future? Shoulda, woulda, coulda, these are not the words of the magnificent life. I'm going for the Frieda book. Right now!

update

So my cat's been super clingy since I've been away.  She's looking extra beautiful these days with her Fall hair all grown in. She's plump and fluffy. But she won't leave me alone. She has to sit on me or next to me or at my feet or however she can manage to get up to me. I guess we tend to forget the central role we play in our pets' lives.

In other news my 500 dollar vacuum arrived. It's really much more muscular than the 150 dollar version. And it comes with a lot more bells and whistles. So many attachments that I need a graduate smeniar in how to use them all. I want to change out the rug in my living room but with all my firniture this is quite a chore. We'll see.

I'm winning the battle with the Dark Lady Diet Shasta, at least today. Although right now, just this second, a tall cold one sounds just perfect.

I got a really nice letter from my old life coach giving me a pep talk about living the Question: What If? Instead of the Mantra: If only... I need to think about this again. It really helped me before to reorient my view of my work. What if people really need my view on the world? What if I really do lead a magnificent life?

I do lead a magnificent life. I can do what I want. I just don't know what I want!!!

tape measure

So when I was in Seattle I arrived weighing 130 lbs which is 40 full pounds less than the 50 I gained after I started taking type two anti-pychotic medications which are just terrible about making you gain weight. One girl I knew in the psyche ward had gain 100 lbs. So only gaining 50 was doing pretty well! I was wearing one of the only things I'd saved from my ex husband--his beautiful hand tooled Hawaiian flower leather belt. He was a skinny guy and the belt just fit. But after a few hours in Seattle the damn thing was tight. 

So I ask my friend Elyce what to do and she gets one of Jason's  old belts for me to wear which fits just perfectly. Jason is a skinny dude too but taller than my ex. I wear this belt for the entire time. Then it comes time to leave and I have to squeeze back into my Hawaiian belt. I'm the type of person who needs a belt since my waist is larger than my hips. Luckily I don't have to take it off at security. Elyce had  advised me to stick it in my purse and put it back on in the restroom. 

So I arrive home a full five pounds heavier than when I had left. And now I was about to go eat lunch out! The first thing I did was find the belt that fits me. Then I ordered two pancakes with extra butter which until today had been real butter but today was a butter type substance. I often order this as it is the cheapest thing on the menu. Elyce says butter is good for you. I skip the syrup.

I'm trying to save money after all the money I hemorrhaged up North. I'm a perfect example of penny wise and pound foolish (get it?).

When I get home Richard tells me he had the strangest longing for pancakes right around noon. And he had no idea that was what I had ordered. I have often felt our brain waves leak when we're around each other. We say the same thing at the same time etc.

Anyway I came home and weighed only 133 lbs. Oh P. S. I ordered a diet coke! Bad Lyn!

lunch with the ladies

So tomorrow I'm going to have lunch with the ladies, my two sisters, in fact. Even though we live in a small town we don't get together enough. A study of hopice workers revealed that what the dying regret most is time not spent with their friends and family. Work and blogging comes in a way distant second.

Hence when I got back from Elyce's I asked my sisters to go out to lunch. they surprised me by saying, "love to." So that was great. I got presents for them on my trip!

Subjects we need to cover: the family Thanksgiving to be held in our other sister's Mansion in Reno. What food we need to bring, etc, etc. Who else is going to be there.

My neices and nephews. How they are doing. Who's stressed out and who's actually graduating. My son, the one in danger of not graduating, although he will be killed by an angry mob if he doesn't.

Sister Nancy and her Farm. The one she bought last year in Oregon City and is working like crazy to renovate and farm while working full time and making homemade tofu.

Our Brother Bill, who is letting his two darling children rule the roost. Because he and his wife Jen are older parents of young kids.

Sisters Anne and Amy and how hard they work and how they keep geting promotions at work.

Mom and husband Greg, and how well they are doing.

Any and all shortcomings of those mentioned above which I won't state here. Since I don't want to be killed by an angry mob.