insider

As the olderst of eight kids, I think of myself as the  ultimate insider. And for a while this has been true. I helped most of the younger kids through school, set the example for what was cool. Moved to Quincy and lead the pack to Northern California.

But since I've been ill and not able to work, I've become an outlier.  It appears on the surface that I have no influence in the family anymore. And mostly I don't. And I don't want any. Who wants to know what old Aunty Lyn thinks anyway?

But on the other hand, I am the keeper of the history of things. I knew our Dad the longest and very well at the end. He had been having long phone calls with me for over a year during the time I was getting divorced. I got to be really close to him then.

I also knew Aunt Olive really well. I sat at her bed side when she was dying. She had a tremendous influence over my life. So much of who I am and what I believe comes from her. She had a shoebox full of rings just like I do!

And I keep track of the Richmond relatives. I write Aunt Beverly every week. So I have the sense of the larger picture. And maybe nobody wants to know this stuff. But I think it's important, and I believe at some point there maybe one of the younger generation who will want know about the past the way I did when I was young.

And if not? So what. It will die with me and no one will be the wiser. What I have to wrap my mind around is that people change. My family has changed. But I hold the core of it in my heart.