goal

These are some things that can keep you from your goals:  Lack of emotional engagement with your goal, passion. Lack of deadlines. Lack of accountability. Lack of flow, focus. Fear of failure, perfectionism.

I think I suffer from all these factors in part because of the psyche drugs I'm on. I know my focus is affected. For several years I was unable to read at all. Now I can read almost anything. This has come with a reduction in meds.

But my writing is still impacted. The only passion I have for writing right now is for my blogs. I'm trying to get back to my two plays but am having a hard time achieving that flow. And I wish I still had my life coach to help me with deadlines. It's so nice to get deadlines imposed on one from outside one's self.

And I fear failure. I often ask myself, who really cares about this work? So what if I don't get it done?
The result of all of this is that I appear to myself as lazy. I have to build up the passion for my work again. And that's what I think my mood stablizer drugs inhibit. They keep me from being manic, sure, but being a little manic was when I was exuberant and excited about life. Passionate one might say.

Along with mania comes risk taking behavior which is good for an artist! And focus! My gosh, I become obsessed. But I don't dare risk my stablity. Because getting manic always has it's cost. My Bipolar is pretty much in remission. If only I weren't so lazy.