Bipolar

So today is my birthday and I have decided to share on this blog that I suffer from Bipolar I illness. This past year has been my most stable yet. I was a little manic this summer, just enough to get some real work done. By that I mean writing. I can't hold a real job because of my illness. I'd like to stay in that just "right" mania all the time but the body won't stand for it. You either go over the top into full fledged manic psychosis or crash into a deep depression. As it was I had a mini crash and have not been able to write since.

So I'm waiting on the muse which usually means a slight lift in my mood. Then the words jsut come together and I'm on cloud nine. This is unlikely to happen heading into the dark months of the year. I do better with the long days of summer.

Being stable means impoverishing your life. When I'm manic I'm a very social person. Staying calm means not getting too excited which means I have to stay home a lot. Socializing revs me up. Getting reved up means taking more meds. Taking more meds means getting dumber and not being able to read much less write. These are the rules of stability.