I'm taking a few days off from this blog because I'm feeling misanthopic. These long dark days are really hard on me. I just need to curl up with a book and my husband for awhile. More soon.

prairie dolls

All the little prairie doll needle holders are done! Well actually my mom decided I have to make three more. But the 26 I agreed to make are finished. They are about to be shipped off to all the females in our extended family in Richmond VA and elsewhere.

This little craft project is based on the work of early 20th century artist Kate Greenaway and was originally made by my great aunts and my great grandmother. My mom wanted to share this with all the ladies in the family so they would remember how lovely the older generation was.

We are sending these dolls out with a little note that says, "A gift from the past...." And an explanation of what the doll is for and how it came to be in our family. I don't think they'll make anyone's Christmas but they're kind of interesting.

I enjoyed working with my mom on this project. Her enthusiam made the work fly by. I thought it was a rather grand plan to made so many, and I like grand plans. I really hope receiving one of these dolls will make the younger generation interested in these old Aunts and Great Grandmother. They were such artistic and interesting people.

It doesn't seem like the younger generation is much interested in their elders. But I idolized my great aunts. I wanted to be exactly like my Aunt Olive. She has been such a role model to me as to how to be and how to be an aunt. Part of which is to instill memory about the family into the younger ones so they would know where they came from.

cell phones

I know I'm beating a dead horse here, but I hate cell phones at family parties. I remember Thanksgivings where people of all ages sat around the table and talked. Everyone told interesting stories and jokes and we laughed and laughed.

But now everyone's on their cell phone, especially the young people. So you don't hear from them at all during the party. Honestly it makes me so nostalgic.

But this is the way things are now. I read a study that said women prefer electronic gifts over diamonds. And I thought something's wrong with the world.

I know the world's not going to stop and change for me which means I need to get with the program. But so help me I just can't. So I remain at odds with the planet which is not a smart position.

But it is one I find myself in more and more these days. I guess this is what it means to grow old. And I'm too young to be this old and cranky. So the cell phone's the thing at parties nowadays. I can live with that.

So the art of converstion is a lost one. I can live with that. Things in the world don't suit me anymore but I can live with it.

Just go with the flow. You have plenty of time to do what you want. You just can't expect to have close relationships with your nieces and nephews the way you did in the past.

That was then; this is now. Growing old is about growing obsolete. Feeling obsolete does not go with having a magnificent life. But the time I spend feeling obsolete is self-limiting afterall. The kids don't come banging on my door. They're not dying to see me. Cell phone or no.

The mountains

Although my house doesn't sit on a ridge like this, I still love living in the mountains. I get to see views like these everyday. It is what I'm thankful for this Thanksgiving. I like waking up to clouds in my meadow. I like the creek that runs by my house. I like the way things look with the inch of snow we've got now.

Sure I miss the culture of the city. I miss the pace and the churches and the art. But I love the peace of the mountains. The lack of traffic. The hometown feel. I don't know if I will stay here forever. It might be too lonely if I didn't have Richard.

In that case I might want to go join my son. That's why I want to get a law degree. So I can work for him if it ever comes to that. But right now I'm super thankful for the mountains and mostly for Richard who makes living here tolerable.

The beauty alone would be empty without his wit. He keeps me on my toes. And he reads so much that I have to work to keep up with him. Thanksgiving is one of the major holiday of the year. I need to find a way to be happy for at least the few hours I spend with my family.

I need to forget all the things I feel are not right and embrace the things that are. This kind of embrace is what leading a magnificent life is all about. Being grateful is at the heart of being magnificent. I feel that most of the time I live with a kind of belt cinched around my heart. I think mindfulness is focusing on  uncinching that belt. And letting the heart be whole.

letter writing

Every week I write my Aunt Beverly. Sometimes she answers which is great but I write anyway even if she doesn't. I find it to be a comforting habit to stay in touch with part of the family that I rarely get to see.

I like to dish with my Aunt about the family. Although she is very circumspect. She likes the details of people's lives as do I. We find the family an endless source of interest.

I think to write a good letter you have to be genuinely interested in other people and why they do what they do.

You also have to be willing to be self revealing. For instance Aunt Beverly just told me she's been learning lessons about letting go and then she mentioned not making the ususal crab cakes they have at Thanksgiving.

I get this immediately. When you are used to one way of doing something. What might be called a family tradition, it's really hard to let that go.

I find letters are done best on a schedule. I try to write my other friend on Wednesday but don't do so well with that as I do writing my Aunt on Sundays. Sundays seem like a natural day to write letters.

You could say I have a tradition of writing my Aunt on Sundays. And it will be hard to let that go.

wee hours

I find it comforting, if lonesome, to be up at the wee wee hours alone in my house, with the fire going and the internet for a companion. I find myself talking to other night owls from other time zones from Afghanistan to Hawaii.

Just a few minutes of internet convo and then it's back to my lonely nocternal pursuits. Looking up books, watching TV shows. Hanging out with my cat.

I'm sort of in the Medieval pattern of first sleep and second sleep with a break in the middle. I've been doing this for a while now. I go to bed early and then wake up about two in the morning. Or else I wake up really early like at 5 or so and stay up.

Being up by myself give me time to meditate on what the priorities are. Which are to take care of Richard. Help myself so I can help others. Stay in touch with my family and friends. Get this house in shape. Read books. Stay healthy.

If I were in school I guess I would be studying. What I really want to do is to be shopping on eBay. It's the time of year when I like to buy five gold rings! But I'm going to forgoe that pleasure for the good of my pocketbook.

Still tis the season to be festive. I can turn on the colored lights and listen to Holiday music to try and catch the spirit.

grateful

Well it's suddenly Thanksgiving and I have to make some candied yams. Well not that candied. I don't use marshmellows. Just brown sugar and butter.

So I'm looking for the glass dish I always use for this dish, and I find that sometime since last year it has cracked in two. Now this was a dish that was Richard's  mom's, and I already lost the pie dish I got from her. So this comes as a bad surprise.

Richard says, "Lillian (his mom) wouldn't be upset. She'd say, 'I'm just glad you kids are OK and didn't get hurt.'" But now I have no dish for my yams.

I have her old Corning Ware but it's too small. I'd have to bring two dishes. I have lots of serving dishes so I could cook the yams and then transfer them onto a serving dish but then how to reheat them at my sister's?

What I really should be thinking of is what I'm grateful for. That's what we celebrate isn't it? Being grateful. I'm grateful for so many things. As they say I count my blessings, count them one by one.

So there is my family and friends. My house. My pets. My health. My computer. Richard's jokes. My vacuum. My car.  Food, music, nature, photography, writing, law school, glasses, the internet.

I know there is so much more that I'm missing. Hot showers for examples. The blessing of not being one of the millions of the world's displaced persons. How can we be all fat and happy while so many others are suffering?

I feel that I'm called to do something, but I don't know what. Why am I so forntunate? And  yet why do I have enough personal struggles that I remained chained to an ineffective and small life?

This seems to be the problem for so many of us. We are chained to our small problems and lack the freedom to affect meaningful change.